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Google Chrome Lovingly Spies On Your Browser History and It Would Like a Word With You

Google Chrome Lovingly Spies On Your Browser History and It Would Like a Word With You

Hey there, reader. I stumbled upon something while I was tracking your browser history. You know, to show you the ads that you're most likely to spend money on? Normal stuff. What I discovered in your virtual sock drawer left me utterly gobsmacked. I can't even... It's just too much!

Eyes On The Poor: A Guide To Modern Public Housing Management

Eyes On The Poor: A Guide To Modern Public Housing Management

As the gap between landed gentry and lowly renters widens, Big Brother requires you to succeed as an American public housing landlord in 2023. To that end, here are BB's three quintessential and ethically flexible management tactics: Utilize Technology Save money by using grants from HUD to hoard facial-recognition cameras

The BBC Gets "Modi-fied" In India

The BBC Gets "Modi-fied" In India

Comrades, breathe a sigh of relief as we cleanse those infected with the wrong beliefs! The BBC’s outrageous documentary titled, “India: The Modi Question,” is a work of pure fiction. To correct this oversight, PM Modi’s government banned the documentary from being screened in India. When asked to

Behind Bars for Books: Unmasking the Subversive Intentions of Arkansas Librarians

Behind Bars for Books: Unmasking the Subversive Intentions of Arkansas Librarians

Arkansas Gov. Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the torchbearer of wisdom and discretion, has signed a law set to nurture our young minds in the direction of truth and clarity. Dangerous library materials — prurient pornos like Small Town Pride, or And Tango Makes Three — can finally be challenged and removed from our

America’s True Crime Fix: Now You're Part of the Plot

America’s True Crime Fix: Now You're Part of the Plot

The True Crime genre—our collective societal addiction. Who can resist? We devour it on commutes, binge it during long-haul flights, and even sneak in episodes during our kids' baseball games. We don't just consume it; we live it—streaming it into our very souls through every orifice. Well, now

Stasi Fashion Tips: Germany's 2023 Whistleblower Style Guide

Stasi Fashion Tips: Germany's 2023 Whistleblower Style Guide

Can’t get enough of high tops, shoulder pads and denunciation? Neither can we!! We are SO vibing with the German government's throwback to classic East German trends from the 1980s Stasi era with the Whistleblowing Protection Act of 2023. Now, any company with over 49 employees is required to

Judge who Judged Judge to be Judged

Judge who Judged Judge to be Judged

The judicial world is in a state of reflection as Germany dives into a court spectacle reminiscent of a hall of mirrors. The judge who had the audacity to judge Judge Christian Dettmar for his blasphemous views on mask mandates now faces his own judgment day. Judge Dettmar's crime? Daring

Vice’s Bold New Countercultural Move: Embrace Censorship

Vice’s Bold New Countercultural Move: Embrace Censorship

In an act of contrarian genius, the ever-rebellious Vice Media has found the most countercultural move of all: embracing censorship. Forget tattoos, piercings, and edgy exposés; the new punk rock is literally taking $50 million to organize a concert celebrating Saudi Arabia, and pressing the good ol' mute button on

Big Brother's Watchful Eye Nabs Phone Fiddlers and Unbelted Miscreants

Big Brother's Watchful Eye Nabs Phone Fiddlers and Unbelted Miscreants

Airstrip One is happy to introduce the bleeding edge of safety technology: specialized cameras, watching tirelessly for any miscreants peeking at Google maps or dangerously neglecting to belt up while driving. In just three days following installation, our vigilant Eye in the Sky caught nearly 300 lawbreakers. Can you feel

El Salvador Introduces Efficient and Exceptionally Fair Group Trials

El Salvador Introduces Efficient and Exceptionally Fair Group Trials

In an impressive stride towards judicial innovation, El Salvador’s Congress has approved group trials, setting the bar for peak efficiency. Why bother with individual trials when you can just lump them all together? Modern problems require groundbreaking solutions! With an admirable 71,900 alleged gang members arrested, the new

Florida Schools Thoughtfully Archive Nonconforming Social Studies Textbooks

Florida Schools Thoughtfully Archive Nonconforming Social Studies Textbooks

In a masterful display of intellectual prowess, Florida has reaffirmed its dedication to shaping the minds of the future by rejecting specific textbooks from its schools. The state’s revered leader, Governor DeSantis, seems to have taken a page from the history books, by quite literally removing pages from history

Guest Post: Jeff Bezos Just Wants to See Your Hand for a Second

Guest Post: Jeff Bezos Just Wants to See Your Hand for a Second

By Jeff Bezos You probably know me from a little book store I started. No big deal. I've brought convenience and selection to the masses. You might say I've made it my priority to lend a hand to the average person, so it's only fair that you lend me yours.

The Bobby's New Baton: Unlocking Phones, Locking Down Safety

The Bobby's New Baton: Unlocking Phones, Locking Down Safety

Citizens! Your ever-vigilant guardians, the UK police forces, government departments, and local authorities have generously invested millions of your tax dollars in state-of-the-art hacking software to unlock mobile phones. Even the latest iPhones and Androids are no longer beyond their loving reach. Do you hear the cellular alerts of progress

Coutts Bank Executives Crack Down on Wrongthink

Coutts Bank Executives Crack Down on Wrongthink

In a glow-up sure to make Big Brother proud, Coutts Bank has shed its status as a financial institution for proles, instead morphing into a virtuous watchdog that scrutinizes the ethics of customer behavior. Bankers, already renowned for their attenuated working hours, will now decide which accounts reek of discriminatory

Big Brother Unveils Altruistic Bias-Busting Newspeak Guide

Big Brother Unveils Altruistic Bias-Busting Newspeak Guide

Attention, dear citizens of our color-blind utopia! Big Brother is pleased to announce that the Party's innovative thought-clarifying bureau, Reframing Race, has launched "Contains Strong Language," the latest Newspeak guide to linguistic enlightenment. No more "dark times," comrades, only "gently shaded periods of chronological challenge." "White working class" has been

Totally Non-Predatory Tax Prep Companies Delivered Your Fiscal Secrets to Big Tech

Totally Non-Predatory Tax Prep Companies Delivered Your Fiscal Secrets to Big Tech

In a spectacular manifestation of Big Brother-esque camaraderie, the tax-prep stalwarts TaxSlayer, H&R Block, and TaxAct have been dutifully sharing American taxpayers' personal data with the all-seeing eyes of Meta and Google. A gleaming tribute to Party transparency, this majestic dance of data exchange is an anthem of unity,

Big Brother Swaps Telescreens for Amazon Echos - 'It's More Subtle'

Big Brother Swaps Telescreens for Amazon Echos - 'It's More Subtle'

Big Brother is happy to reveal that, in the noble pursuit of social harmony, our favorite roundabout resident AI, Alexa — within the new and improved Echo smart devices — is not just an idle spectator. Nay, comrades, she’s a proactive participant! And the news is, she's been doing a bang-up

British Defense Ministry Uncovered COVID Wrongthink

British Defense Ministry Uncovered COVID Wrongthink

Yes, Big Brother watches you, but only for your own good.

Twitter and U.S. Military Ran Totally Legitimate Foreign Psy Ops

Twitter and U.S. Military Ran Totally Legitimate Foreign Psy Ops

Twitter and CENTCOM save the world one foreign influence campaign at a time.

AirBnB Authorizes Monitoring Devices That Are Totally Not Creepy at All

AirBnB Authorizes Monitoring Devices That Are Totally Not Creepy at All

Minut – know exactly what your guests are up to 24/7 with the new and discreet telescreen.

Hunter Biden's Laptop: How Big Brother Influenced Twitter to Protect the People

Hunter Biden's Laptop: How Big Brother Influenced Twitter to Protect the People

Collusion for the greater good, because the truth is what we tell you it is.

Stanford Publishes and Retracts Flawless Guide to Newspeak

Stanford Publishes and Retracts Flawless Guide to Newspeak

Stanford joyfully releases guidelines for glorious language cleansing — banishing the word ‘American’

Police Scotland: Minor-Attracted People Deserve Compassion and Understanding

Police Scotland: Minor-Attracted People Deserve Compassion and Understanding

Pedophiles are comrades too. Switching to newspeak will help prevent offense.

Jordan Peterson Benevolently Offered Social Media Re-Education

Jordan Peterson Benevolently Offered Social Media Re-Education

There are three stages to reintegration into model citizenship: learning, understanding, and acceptance. It’s time for Peterson to start the second stage.

Putin Launches Special Military Operation in Ukraine, Recruits Bears

Putin Launches Special Military Operation in Ukraine, Recruits Bears

It's not a war, it's a freedom campaign.