Forget Holiday Loneliness. Grab an AI Companion! https://t.co/pOjTpfsHeW

🎄Get your holiday affairs in order with new Artificial Intelligence powered Christmas Trees!!! 🎄 https://t.co/arh5ciQXO8

In the late 2000’s I worked in a Silicon Valley office. One day, a co-worker and I were easing the boredom by rolling office chairs down the common area hallway to see how far they could go. At one point, someone from another company stuck their head out and yelled at us to stop.

The lies we tell ourselves. https://t.co/Ne2ehiWe9n

This is the kind of content we need. https://t.co/aLrgwy70D6

IS HOME ALONE TOO SCARY FOR A FIVE YEAR OLD? https://t.co/MDxMguFvs3

The best compliment I can give to X is that the more I engage honestly and open my heart to folks, the more it seems others do with me. There is no trick to it.

The new Animal Farm movie is going to be AMAZING! https://t.co/DOgaiSxgkO

Peak lunch https://t.co/Ylu1k8Xcgw

I'm considering buying a ModRetro Chromatic for my nearly 8 year old. Thoughts? https://t.co/1XjnsutFnk

Why didn't y'all tell me they could steam the milk before it goes in my drip coffee?!? https://t.co/iAYrJNWbGf

I was going to comment on this Animal Farm Trailer situation, but this sums up my thoughts. https://t.co/sOoHmlXIOd

My least favorite content creator on X is Matt Pinner.

https://t.co/f2HV86QQnH

https://t.co/hODKM4rprY

Make these a-holes use wingdings. https://t.co/YRCc6v3V9T

The ability to entice someone to experience a piece of art without squashing what makes it worth experiencing is an art in itself. https://t.co/lI0JeIl1Qc

MINDHUNTER is not the best show ever, but in terms of achieving its goal: a moody, claustrophobic dunk into a tank of dysfunction (the killers', the investigators', and society) it succeeds like no other.

The truth hurts. So cover it up. https://t.co/54r7RNeUtV

End of thread. If you laughed once, you owe me nothing. If you didn’t, I’ll be in the replies muttering at my phone again tomorrow.

5/5 Frosty the Snowman's voice accused having multiple families. He said he’ll be back again someday. Happy holidays, everyone.

4/5 CNN launching “prediction market” coverage like it’s revolutionary. I said: The entire stock market is already just gambling on the news. We’ve been doing this since 1929, guys. Calm down.

3/5 Beeple's CEO robot dog exhibit at Art Basel. I said it wasn't art. The artistry is getting people (including me) to post about something so tired and banal. At least make the CEO heads more realistic looking. Or less.

2/5 Some guy on the subway reading Dostoevsky with the cover angled so everyone can see it. NEWSFLASH: All the World’s a Stage. Dude is a stooge, but no worse than the rest of us. We’re all just trying to get to work.