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Chinese Takeout: House Orders TikTok Ban
AI Generated Image. Source: ChatGPT

Chinese Takeout: House Orders TikTok Ban

Evil Eastasian social media giant TikTok is on the fast track to removal from the sacred smart devices of America, as the ever unified US House of Representatives voted decisively to eliminate this vertically scrolling scourge from our society. 

Despite a dearth of evidence, it’s entirely possible that TikTok feeds the data of loyal Americans into our enemy's disinformation war machine. Which China then could use to dupe their own citizens into believing claims for which there is a dearth of evidence. The poor fools!

And what of the pathetic outcry that TikTok is no worse than equally addictive but somehow less entertaining American-made alternatives such as Youtube Shorts, Instagram Reels, Facebook Stories, and countless others? The Inner Party would like to forcefully reiterate that TikTok is a Chinese company and is therefore beneath our trust. Eastasia has always been our enemy and will always be our enemy.

With this bold and decisive stroke, the Inner Party predicts a forthcoming conclusion to our long conflict. In the meantime, stay vigilant and stay productive. Final victory is surely just around the corner…


  • The US House of Representatives passed a bill on March 13 to force TikTok's Chinese parent company, ByteDance, to sell the video sharing platform or face a ban.

  • Earlier attempts to ban TikTok, including an executive order by former Pres. Donald Trump and other state-level moves, have faced legal hurdles and criticism. Critics argue the latest bill threatens free speech rights, while some question the supposed evidence of the threat TikTok poses to national security.

  • Banning TikTok would impact its 170 million American users. The Supreme Court has ruled that Americans have the right to access diverse ideas. At the same time, data privacy concerns persist and comprehensive federal protections haven't been passed.

  • The bill now heads to the US Senate.

Sources: CNN, BBC, The Washington Post, and Time.