Subscribe or else!
El Salvador Introduces Efficient and Exceptionally Fair Group Trials
AI Generated Image. Source: Midjourney

El Salvador Introduces Efficient and Exceptionally Fair Group Trials

In an impressive stride towards judicial innovation, El Salvador’s Congress has approved group trials, setting the bar for peak efficiency. Why bother with individual trials when you can just lump them all together? Modern problems require groundbreaking solutions!

With an admirable 71,900 alleged gang members arrested, the new motto is clear: "Why try one, when you can try 900?" And whispers from our reliable sources suggest there might be plans to merge ALL current and future trials into one grand courtroom spectacle! Think of the time saved! Think of the minutiae overlooked!

Though some critics wail about human rights, let’s focus on the real win: streamlined justice. Plus, there's that enticing proposal of increasing gang leader sentences from 45 to 60 years. Talk about setting precedents. That's 4,314,000 years of potential jail time. So some non-gang members may inadvertently be slipped in – fret not, they’ve probably committed (or will someday commit) some crime at some point and deserve our hate anyways! Besides, what better way for Big Brother to garner the love of the people than to decimate the enemy?

Efficiency is the future, and Big Brother applauds innovation! Always watching, always efficient.



  • El Salvador’s Congress in July approved legislation allowing prosecutors to simultaneously try hundreds of people alleged to be part of the same criminal group or from the same area of the country.

  • The legislation, which also increases prison time for convicted gang leaders from 45 to 60 years, follows Pres. Nayib Bukele's crackdown on gangs in which more than 71k have so far been detained.

  • Bukele's crackdown has already put 2% of El Salvador’s adult population behind bars and coincides with a jump in the president’s approval ratings.

Sources: Reuters, Latin Times, The Guardian and Al Jazeera.