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Spark Joy, Declutter, Sell Your Info to the NSA
AI generated image. Source: Midjourney/Wikimedia Commons

Spark Joy, Declutter, Sell Your Info to the NSA

Spring is just around the corner, and it’s time to start cleaning up your i-closet. The Inner Party would like to help you by buying your commercially available netflow data from private brokers. You know, internet metadata that shows us everywhere you browse online? A well-tracked citizen is a well-loved citizen — and we understand your hoarding has gotten out of control. 

Since we already have your location, we'll come to you! It was procured from that app you downloaded which gathered and sold your whereabouts without bothering you by asking for consent.  Or, maybe it was the app where you knowingly pressed “allow” without thinking twice so you could start playing Pokemon Go?  Either way, we have your IP address.  

Don't think of it as a privacy invasion that legitimizes an unethical industry, but the prioritization of transparency and protection from foreign hackers.  And if you're feeling overwhelmed by your own mess, we'll bring reinforcements. Our friends at the IRS, Homeland Security, and Defense Intelligence Agency all deal in expedient data procurement services without obtaining those annoying court orders. 

So, sweep away the winter storms of cloud storage hovering over your head. Let Big Brother guide you through this process on your path to minimalist clarity.


  • According to Paul Nakasone, the outgoing head of the US National Security Agency (NSA), the agency buys — without a warrant — Americans' commercially available web-browsing data "for foreign intelligence, cybersecurity, and authorized mission purposes."

  • The NSA allegedly buys netflow data on domestic internet communications involving US IP addresses from data brokers. This metadata on internet traffic flow and volume is purportedly used for purposes such as detecting hackers and protecting American servicemen.

  • The NSA hasn't revealed its data supplier, but it was disclosed in June 2023 that other agencies, including the Defense Intelligence Agency, the Internal Revenue Service, and the Department of Homeland Security, also buy similar data.

  • The legality of this practice is yet unclear. The NSA claims it's "not aware" of any requirement of a court warrant to acquire such data – which includes details about the websites Americans visit and the apps they use – as it's openly for sale.

  • Lawmakers have said these purchases could identify sensitive services such as suicide hotlines or those for survivors of sexual assault and domestic abuse. Some argue the practice violates a US Federal Trade Commission policy.

Sources: Tech Crunch, Fox News, The New York Times, and CNN.