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Stanford Publishes and Retracts Flawless Guide to Newspeak
AI Generated Image. Source: Midjourney

Stanford Publishes and Retracts Flawless Guide to Newspeak

In an ambitious effort to root out wrongthink in the fragile minds of college students, Stanford University, in its infinite wisdom, has bestowed upon us a guide to eradicate harmful language, noting that the term "American" is now an unperson.

Initiated as the noble Elimination of Harmful Language Initiative (EHLI), the guide aspires to ensure Newspeak prevails. The blasphemous term "American" must be replaced with "U.S. citizen," guiding us towards the truth that there are 42 countries in the Americas.

Other prohibited terms include "walk-in hours," now "open hours," to include our comrades with disabilities. Despite the benevolence of the guide, some misguided readers criticized the publication on social media, forcing it to be taken down. The loyalty to the Party shown by the creators of this list is nevertheless commendable, as they work tirelessly to improve our speech and thoughts.



  • In December, 2022, Stanford University published its Elimination of Harmful Language Initiative, a list of terms it considers "harmful language" that it planned to remove from its website and computer code. The school also provided a list of replacement terms.

  • The "harmful" words included "American" to be replaced with "U.S. citizen," "immigrant" to be replaced with "person who has immigrated" or "non-citizen," and "walk-in-hours" to be swapped with "open hours."

  • Following significant backlash, the university announced on Jan. 4, 2023 that it had taken down the website.

Sources: Stanford University, Independent, New York Post and Wall Street Journal.