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Guest Post: Jeff Bezos Just Wants to See Your Hand for a Second
AI Generated Image. Source: Midjourney.

Guest Post: Jeff Bezos Just Wants to See Your Hand for a Second

By Jeff Bezos

You probably know me from a little book store I started. No big deal. I've brought convenience and selection to the masses. You might say I've made it my priority to lend a hand to the average person, so it's only fair that you lend me yours.

Now, imagine this. You are sitting across from me, Papaya Passion Iced Green Tea© in hand. The subtle hum of a bustling Panera Bread surrounds us. As the scent of Broccoli Cheddar soup wafts through the air, you extend your hand to greet me. Your fingers curl into the warmth of our handshake. I peer at your hand, a bit too intently perhaps, but it's all part of the experience. And the best part? You're now paid in full.

And why not hands? Why not you? Imagine the possibilities, the lines crisscrossing on your palms could be constellations waiting to be explored, their secret patterns yet to be unraveled. I might be your ticket to space, but your hands? They could be the key to an undiscovered universe. Come along. Join me on this slightly weird, possibly creepy, but undeniably exciting quest to examine, appreciate, perchance obsess a bit too much about your hands.

So, dear consumer, don't be shy. Lend me your hand. We've got a universe to unlock.



  • Amazon has announced plans to implement its biometric technology, Amazon One, across all Whole Foods stores by the end of the year.

  • Amazon One, which is also featured at select third-party locations like Panera Bread, allows users to pay for items and access Prime perks by hovering their palm over a reader, after registering online.

  • Besides marketing its perks, such as receiving immediate savings upon signup, Amazon has also assured customers that their information is not stored on Amazon One devices, is protected both at rest and in transit, and treats palm scans like other sensitive data.

  • While Amazon maintains that it doesn’t use raw palm images but rather uses the palm and underlying vein structure to create a unique numerical vector, critics believe it could be used for targeted advertising and tracking people.

  • This post was actually written by Sime [SIME IS NOW AN UNPERSON] Boris trying to impersonate Jeff Bezos.

Sources: CNBC, Engadget, The Hill and Cyber Security News Today.