(Satire?)
(Satire?)
THE ONLY TRUTH YOU NEED
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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Sep 11, 2025
Meta today reassured parents that children are perfectly safe in their virtual reality Metaverse, despite years of suppressed and ignored warnings from child-safety experts. CEO Mark Zuckerberg, speaking from the driver’s seat of a candy-filled, windowless, white van, explained that concerns are “overblown” and “bad for quarterly growth.” Meta
“Metaverse is safe for kids!” Shouts Mark Zuckerberg From Candy-filled, Windowless, White Van
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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Sep 9, 2025
A new study by the Journal of Marine Science and Engineering shows that projected sea level rise of up to 10 feet have been overestimated. Furthermore, the revised projection of just 1.5 mm of sea level rise is now solely attributed to the sinking of Al Gore’s presidential
Ocean Rise of 1.5 mm Credited Solely to Al Gore’s Sunken Political Aspirations
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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Sep 5, 2025
SAN DIEGO—In an unsuspicious move, Los Angeles Clippers owner Steve Ballmer reportedly gifted star player Kawhi Leonard an "early birthday card" stuffed with $28 million in Powerball tickets. The billionaire tech mogul, worth over $100 billion more than more than next wealthiest NBA owner, claimed in an
Steve Ballmer Gifts Kawhi Leonard Early Birthday Card Stuffed with $28 Million in Powerball Tickets
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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Sep 4, 2025
73-year-old former Talking Heads frontman David Byrne will wed his longtime girlfriend, Mala Gaonkar, 55, this week. However, sources close to the couple indicate that Byrne's main pre-wedding concern revolves around his attire.  Gyrating rhythmically, Byrne was overheard exclaiming,“What if it doesn’t not fit anymore? My
Soon to be Married David Byrne Concerned His Suit Doesn’t Not Fit Anymore
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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Sep 2, 2025
Donald Trump announced today that his doctors have “one job and one job only: keep me alive until September 4th.” The former president confirmed he will be playing Hollow Knight: Silksong on a Nintendo Switch OLED, because, in his words, “the Switch 2 has a horrible, horrible screen—cheap, disgraceful,
President Trump Trying Desperately to Stay Alive Long Enough to Play Silksong
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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Aug 29, 2025
In an unprecedented medical emergency, the entire Democratic Party has reportedly been treated for severe whiplash after their rapid-fire reactions to the Minnesota church shooting. Doctors at a D.C. clinic say the synchronized head-snapping—from “thoughts and prayers” to “ban all guns” to “maybe it’s complicated”—left dozens
Entire Democratic Party Hospitalized with Whiplash After Minnesota Shooting Response
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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Aug 28, 2025
Will Smith’s Based on a True Story tour promo has sparked outrage after fans spotted AI-generated audience members with extra fingers and signs reading “FR6SH CRINCE.” The internet erupted, accusing Smith of faking fan fervor. Sources claim Smith, fed up with glitchy AI crowds, “slapped” a pixelated fan mid-video,
Will Smith Slaps AI Generated Crowd Member
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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Aug 26, 2025
President Donald Trump’s recent penchant for slathering his hands with orange makeup has a shocking twist: it’s not masking bruises or veins, but a cringe-worthy Starland Vocal Band tattoo from a mysterious '70s disco bender. The “Afternoon Delight” ink was spotted by aides, prompting Trump to cake
President Trump Successfully Covers "Starland Vocal Band" Tattoo
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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Aug 26, 2025
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce's Respective Careers Slip Just Enough to Settle for Each Other
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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Aug 6, 2025
HHS Secretary and right-wing loon Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is at it again with another crazy conspiracy theory: wait until people are actually dead to harvest their organs.  Kennedy is responding to a New York Times exposé that details numerous cases where patients who were slated for organ donation were
RFK Jr.’s Latest Crackpot Conspiracy: Don’t Harvest Organs From the Living
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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Jul 29, 2025
Dan Driessen, here.  You’ve probably been wondering what I’ve been up to...
Taking First Base: A Memoir of Loss and Rejected Visas
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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Jul 25, 2025
Following the removal of Wall Street Journal reporter Tarini Parti from the White House’s traveling press pool, President Trump has decided to replace his entire press entourage with the cast of McDonald’s mascots. “The old guard of the press corps was too slow, their floors were sticky, and
Trump Replaces Entire Traveling Press Pool
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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Jul 24, 2025
With the federal government now requiring Real ID for domestic air travel, vampires across the U.S. say they’re being unfairly excluded by a system that fails to account for their unique documentation challenges. The new standards require proof of birth, permanent residency, and a recent photo — criteria vampire
Real ID Slammed as Discriminatory to Vampires
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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Jul 22, 2025
Signs. For millennia, they’ve been telling us where to go, what to do, and how much service we’ll receive relative to the presence of our shirt and/or shoes. It started innocently enough — cave paintings of deer to indicate good hunting grounds. But did it stop there? Of
Wrong Way: How Signs are Ruining America
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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Jul 8, 2025
The U.K. Home Office announced this week that French philosopher Renaud Camus has been formally Unpersoned under the nation’s new Ministry of Cognitive Safety guidelines.
French Philosopher Officially ‘Unpersoned’ by UK Government for Thought Deviance
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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Jul 1, 2025
It was recently revealed that we, the major airlines, have sold over a billion travel records to the US Department of Homeland Security. This was supposed to be a secret. And we share your concern for this unfortunate breach of our confidentiality.
Safety Is Our #1 Priority... #2-10? Secretly Selling Passenger Data To Homeland Security
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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Jun 25, 2025
Spain’s recent exemption from NATO's defense spending targets means the alliance will lose critical access to its famed conquistador battalions.
Spain’s Defense Spending Exemption Robs NATO of Essential Conquistadors
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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Jun 11, 2025
SÃO PAOLO — Brazilian comedian Leo Lins has been sentenced to more than eight years in prison for standup deemed hateful and defamatory. Following in the footsteps of Louis C.K., Dave Chappelle, and others who turned controversy into clout, Lins now faces showbiz’s biggest question: How many more minority
Cancelled Comedian Unsure How Many More Minority Groups He Must Offend to Get on Rogan
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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Jun 8, 2025
Smile wide, comrades! Big Brother now sees into your soul—and your lower intestine. Facial scans at the border mean fewer cavity checks for those cursed with “resting-smuggler-face.” Freedom never felt so clinical. pic.twitter.com/u73SWL88OB — Orwell (satire?) (@goodthink1984) June 13, 2025 U.S. Customs and Border Patrol has
U.S. to Photograph Everyone Crossing into Mexico, Eliminating Unnecessary Cavity Searches for Those with “Resting-Balloon-of-Heroin-Up-their-Butt-Face”
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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Jun 5, 2025
Following a high-profile crackdown in which ICE demanded Harvard turn over records on its international students, Ivy League bridesmaid, Yale is speaking out — mostly to ask why they weren’t targeted too.
Yale Demands To Know Why They Aren’t Being Singled Out By Trump
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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May 27, 2025
Leave the chaos of everyday life behind and embark on a once-in-a-lifetime journey of simplicity and soul-deep solitude aboard one of Taiwan’s elite distant-water fishing vessels.
Escape the Noise with Our Screen Free, Hard Labor, Eco-Luxury Cruise!
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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May 23, 2025
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE NEW YORK, NY — May 2025 At NYU, we celebrate intellectual freedom – ideally in pre-approved, easily digestible formats. Our commencement ceremonies are a space for community, reflection, and harmless inspirational content reminiscent of a ‘Hang in there’ cat poster. Unfortunately, this year’s Gallatin School event was briefly
NYU Commencement Speaker Violates Tradition of Platitudes and Vague Optimism
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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May 21, 2025
We had it all planned out. The internet told us a white male Texas authority figure was trying to ban internet memes. This was great satire fodder because, of course, it makes him a prime target for memes.  Sadly for us, Texas House Speaker Dade Phelan’s HB 366 is
Texas House Speaker *Not* Trying to Ban Memes, Disappoints Internet
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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May 14, 2025
As tensions flared between India and Pakistan, India took the fight to cyberspace as well, removing thousands of social media accounts, including the @Muslim Instagram page. In an effort to understand their motivation, here are the top ten justifications for India’s social media purge: 1. Controlling internet traffic is
India Banning 8,000 Social Media Accounts Only Second Worst Thing They Did Last Week
Orwell (satire?)
@goodthink1984

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May 8, 2025
NYC Mayor Eric Adams has heard the calls of city bodegas suffering from rising rates of crime and violence. Through $1.6 million in tax spending, he has distributed emergency Panic buttons to these besieged businesses.
NYC Bodega Panic Buttons Best Used As Makeshift Projectile