Orwell (Page 5)

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Jun 11, 2025

SÃO PAOLO — Brazilian comedian Leo Lins has been sentenced to more than eight years in prison for standup deemed hateful and defamatory. Following in the footsteps of Louis C.K., Dave Chappelle, and others who turned controversy into clout, Lins now faces showbiz’s biggest question: How many more minority

Cancelled Comedian Unsure How Many More Minority Groups He Must Offend to Get on Rogan

Orwell (satire?)

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Jun 25, 2025

Spain’s recent exemption from NATO's defense spending targets means the alliance will lose critical access to its famed conquistador battalions.

Spain’s Defense Spending Exemption Robs NATO of Essential Conquistadors

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Jul 1, 2025

It was recently revealed that we, the major airlines, have sold over a billion travel records to the US Department of Homeland Security. This was supposed to be a secret. And we share your concern for this unfortunate breach of our confidentiality.

Safety Is Our #1 Priority... #2-10? Secretly Selling Passenger Data To Homeland Security

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Jul 8, 2025

The U.K. Home Office announced this week that French philosopher Renaud Camus has been formally Unpersoned under the nation’s new Ministry of Cognitive Safety guidelines.

French Philosopher Officially ‘Unpersoned’ by UK Government for Thought Deviance

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Jul 22, 2025

Signs. For millennia, they’ve been telling us where to go, what to do, and how much service we’ll receive relative to the presence of our shirt and/or shoes. It started innocently enough — cave paintings of deer to indicate good hunting grounds. But did it stop there? Of

Wrong Way: How Signs are Ruining America

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Jul 24, 2025

With the federal government now requiring Real ID for domestic air travel, vampires across the U.S. say they’re being unfairly excluded by a system that fails to account for their unique documentation challenges. The new standards require proof of birth, permanent residency, and a recent photo — criteria vampire

Real ID Slammed as Discriminatory to Vampires

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Jul 25, 2025

Following the removal of Wall Street Journal reporter Tarini Parti from the White House’s traveling press pool, President Trump has decided to replace his entire press entourage with the cast of McDonald’s mascots. “The old guard of the press corps was too slow, their floors were sticky, and

Trump Replaces Entire Traveling Press Pool

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Jul 29, 2025

Dan Driessen, here. You’ve probably been wondering what I’ve been up to...

Taking First Base: A Memoir of Loss and Rejected Visas

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Aug 6, 2025

HHS Secretary and right-wing loon Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is at it again with another crazy conspiracy theory: wait until people are actually dead to harvest their organs. Kennedy is responding to a New York Times exposé that details numerous cases where patients who were slated for organ donation were

RFK Jr.’s Latest Crackpot Conspiracy: Don’t Harvest Organs From the Living

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Aug 26, 2025

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce's Respective Careers Slip Just Enough to Settle for Each Other

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Aug 26, 2025

President Donald Trump’s recent penchant for slathering his hands with orange makeup has a shocking twist: it’s not masking bruises or veins, but a cringe-worthy Starland Vocal Band tattoo from a mysterious '70s disco bender. The “Afternoon Delight” ink was spotted by aides, prompting Trump to cake

President Trump Successfully Covers "Starland Vocal Band" Tattoo

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Aug 28, 2025

Will Smith’s Based on a True Story tour promo has sparked outrage after fans spotted AI-generated audience members with extra fingers and signs reading “FR6SH CRINCE.” The internet erupted, accusing Smith of faking fan fervor. Sources claim Smith, fed up with glitchy AI crowds, “slapped” a pixelated fan mid-video,

Will Smith Slaps AI Generated Crowd Member

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Aug 29, 2025

In an unprecedented medical emergency, the entire Democratic Party has reportedly been treated for severe whiplash after their rapid-fire reactions to the Minnesota church shooting. Doctors at a D.C. clinic say the synchronized head-snapping—from “thoughts and prayers” to “ban all guns” to “maybe it’s complicated”—left dozens

Entire Democratic Party Hospitalized with Whiplash After Minnesota Shooting Response

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Sep 2, 2025

Donald Trump announced today that his doctors have “one job and one job only: keep me alive until September 4th.” The former president confirmed he will be playing Hollow Knight: Silksong on a Nintendo Switch OLED, because, in his words, “the Switch 2 has a horrible, horrible screen—cheap, disgraceful,

President Trump Trying Desperately to Stay Alive Long Enough to Play Silksong

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Sep 4, 2025

73-year-old former Talking Heads frontman David Byrne will wed his longtime girlfriend, Mala Gaonkar, 55, this week. However, sources close to the couple indicate that Byrne's main pre-wedding concern revolves around his attire. Gyrating rhythmically, Byrne was overheard exclaiming,“What if it doesn’t not fit anymore? My

Soon to be Married David Byrne Concerned His Suit Doesn’t Not Fit Anymore

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Sep 5, 2025

SAN DIEGO—In an unsuspicious move, Los Angeles Clippers owner Steve Ballmer reportedly gifted star player Kawhi Leonard an "early birthday card" stuffed with $28 million in Powerball tickets. The billionaire tech mogul, worth over $100 billion more than more than next wealthiest NBA owner, claimed in an

Steve Ballmer Gifts Kawhi Leonard Early Birthday Card Stuffed with $28 Million in Powerball Tickets

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Sep 9, 2025

A new study by the Journal of Marine Science and Engineering shows that projected sea level rise of up to 10 feet have been overestimated. Furthermore, the revised projection of just 1.5 mm of sea level rise is now solely attributed to the sinking of Al Gore’s presidential

Ocean Rise of 1.5 mm Credited Solely to Al Gore’s Sunken Political Aspirations

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Sep 11, 2025

Meta today reassured parents that children are perfectly safe in their virtual reality Metaverse, despite years of suppressed and ignored warnings from child-safety experts. CEO Mark Zuckerberg, speaking from the driver’s seat of a candy-filled, windowless, white van, explained that concerns are “overblown” and “bad for quarterly growth.” Meta

“Metaverse is safe for kids!” Shouts Mark Zuckerberg From Candy-filled, Windowless, White Van

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Sep 12, 2025

After briefly seizing control of Wikipedia, conservative leaders announced they were “shocked and disgusted” to learn that editing the world’s largest encyclopedia comes with no salary, stock options, or ad revenue. “We thought at least George Soros was cutting checks,” said one editor, before abandoning the project mid-sentence. Meanwhile,

Right Wing Takes Over Wikipedia, Immediately Gives it Back When They Discover It’s Unpaid Work

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Sep 15, 2025

In light of the recent controversy in which an Office Depot employee refused to print a Charlie Kirk memorial poster at our location in Portage, MI, we would like to present this apology banner. Given the importance and sensitivity of this matter, we will give it the scrutiny and attention

Office Depot Prints Charlie Kirk Apology Banner

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Sep 16, 2025

In an effort to promote conformity and hygiene in America's armed forces, United States Secretary of War Pete Hegseth has announced a new grooming policy he described as "everything below the eyebrows."

Pentagon Unveils New "Everything Below the Eyebrows" Grooming Standards

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Sep 25, 2025

Delegates at the United Nations leaned forward intently this week as Violet Affleck, daughter of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, delivered what was widely described as “an extremely muffled and possibly important” speech. Attendees continue to speculate whether she was advocating for climate action, universal healthcare, or more Dunkin’ Donuts

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner's Daughter Makes Impassioned and Muffled Plea for... Something

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Jan 20, 2026

Learn Latin

@latindisce

Sep 15

"Our duty is to demonstrate that disagreement must be expressed through debate and dialogue"

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Jan 20, 2026

Learn Latin

@latindisce

Sep 15

"Our duty is to demonstrate that disagreement must be expressed through debate and dialogue"

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

.

Jan 20, 2026

Learn Latin

@latindisce

Sep 15

"Our duty is to demonstrate that disagreement must be expressed through debate and dialogue"