United States - Orwell

(Satire?)

(Satire?)

THE ONLY TRUTH YOU NEED

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Sep 25, 2025

Delegates at the United Nations leaned forward intently this week as Violet Affleck, daughter of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, delivered what was widely described as “an extremely muffled and possibly important” speech. Attendees continue to speculate whether she was advocating for climate action, universal healthcare, or more Dunkin’ Donuts

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner's Daughter Makes Impassioned and Muffled Plea for... Something

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Sep 16, 2025

In an effort to promote conformity and hygiene in America's armed forces, United States Secretary of War Pete Hegseth has announced a new grooming policy he described as "everything below the eyebrows."

Pentagon Unveils New "Everything Below the Eyebrows" Grooming Standards

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Sep 15, 2025

In light of the recent controversy in which an Office Depot employee refused to print a Charlie Kirk memorial poster at our location in Portage, MI, we would like to present this apology banner. Given the importance and sensitivity of this matter, we will give it the scrutiny and attention

Office Depot Prints Charlie Kirk Apology Banner

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Sep 12, 2025

After briefly seizing control of Wikipedia, conservative leaders announced they were “shocked and disgusted” to learn that editing the world’s largest encyclopedia comes with no salary, stock options, or ad revenue. “We thought at least George Soros was cutting checks,” said one editor, before abandoning the project mid-sentence. Meanwhile,

Right Wing Takes Over Wikipedia, Immediately Gives it Back When They Discover It’s Unpaid Work

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Sep 11, 2025

Meta today reassured parents that children are perfectly safe in their virtual reality Metaverse, despite years of suppressed and ignored warnings from child-safety experts. CEO Mark Zuckerberg, speaking from the driver’s seat of a candy-filled, windowless, white van, explained that concerns are “overblown” and “bad for quarterly growth.” Meta

“Metaverse is safe for kids!” Shouts Mark Zuckerberg From Candy-filled, Windowless, White Van

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Sep 9, 2025

A new study by the Journal of Marine Science and Engineering shows that projected sea level rise of up to 10 feet have been overestimated. Furthermore, the revised projection of just 1.5 mm of sea level rise is now solely attributed to the sinking of Al Gore’s presidential

Ocean Rise of 1.5 mm Credited Solely to Al Gore’s Sunken Political Aspirations

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Sep 5, 2025

SAN DIEGO—In an unsuspicious move, Los Angeles Clippers owner Steve Ballmer reportedly gifted star player Kawhi Leonard an "early birthday card" stuffed with $28 million in Powerball tickets. The billionaire tech mogul, worth over $100 billion more than more than next wealthiest NBA owner, claimed in an

Steve Ballmer Gifts Kawhi Leonard Early Birthday Card Stuffed with $28 Million in Powerball Tickets

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Sep 2, 2025

Donald Trump announced today that his doctors have “one job and one job only: keep me alive until September 4th.” The former president confirmed he will be playing Hollow Knight: Silksong on a Nintendo Switch OLED, because, in his words, “the Switch 2 has a horrible, horrible screen—cheap, disgraceful,

President Trump Trying Desperately to Stay Alive Long Enough to Play Silksong

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Aug 6, 2025

HHS Secretary and right-wing loon Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is at it again with another crazy conspiracy theory: wait until people are actually dead to harvest their organs. Kennedy is responding to a New York Times exposé that details numerous cases where patients who were slated for organ donation were

RFK Jr.’s Latest Crackpot Conspiracy: Don’t Harvest Organs From the Living

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Jul 29, 2025

Dan Driessen, here. You’ve probably been wondering what I’ve been up to...

Taking First Base: A Memoir of Loss and Rejected Visas

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Jul 25, 2025

Following the removal of Wall Street Journal reporter Tarini Parti from the White House’s traveling press pool, President Trump has decided to replace his entire press entourage with the cast of McDonald’s mascots. “The old guard of the press corps was too slow, their floors were sticky, and

Trump Replaces Entire Traveling Press Pool

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Jul 24, 2025

With the federal government now requiring Real ID for domestic air travel, vampires across the U.S. say they’re being unfairly excluded by a system that fails to account for their unique documentation challenges. The new standards require proof of birth, permanent residency, and a recent photo — criteria vampire

Real ID Slammed as Discriminatory to Vampires

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Jul 22, 2025

Signs. For millennia, they’ve been telling us where to go, what to do, and how much service we’ll receive relative to the presence of our shirt and/or shoes. It started innocently enough — cave paintings of deer to indicate good hunting grounds. But did it stop there? Of

Wrong Way: How Signs are Ruining America

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Jul 1, 2025

It was recently revealed that we, the major airlines, have sold over a billion travel records to the US Department of Homeland Security. This was supposed to be a secret. And we share your concern for this unfortunate breach of our confidentiality.

Safety Is Our #1 Priority... #2-10? Secretly Selling Passenger Data To Homeland Security

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Jun 25, 2025

Spain’s recent exemption from NATO's defense spending targets means the alliance will lose critical access to its famed conquistador battalions.

Spain’s Defense Spending Exemption Robs NATO of Essential Conquistadors

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Jun 8, 2025

Smile wide, comrades! Big Brother now sees into your soul—and your lower intestine. Facial scans at the border mean fewer cavity checks for those cursed with “resting-smuggler-face.” Freedom never felt so clinical. pic.twitter.com/u73SWL88OB — Orwell (satire?) (@goodthink1984) June 13, 2025 U.S. Customs and Border Patrol has

U.S. to Photograph Everyone Crossing into Mexico, Eliminating Unnecessary Cavity Searches for Those with “Resting-Balloon-of-Heroin-Up-their-Butt-Face”

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Jun 5, 2025

Following a high-profile crackdown in which ICE demanded Harvard turn over records on its international students, Ivy League bridesmaid, Yale is speaking out — mostly to ask why they weren’t targeted too.

Yale Demands To Know Why They Aren’t Being Singled Out By Trump

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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May 23, 2025

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE NEW YORK, NY — May 2025 At NYU, we celebrate intellectual freedom – ideally in pre-approved, easily digestible formats. Our commencement ceremonies are a space for community, reflection, and harmless inspirational content reminiscent of a ‘Hang in there’ cat poster. Unfortunately, this year’s Gallatin School event was briefly

NYU Commencement Speaker Violates Tradition of Platitudes and Vague Optimism

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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May 21, 2025

We had it all planned out. The internet told us a white male Texas authority figure was trying to ban internet memes. This was great satire fodder because, of course, it makes him a prime target for memes. Sadly for us, Texas House Speaker Dade Phelan’s HB 366 is

Texas House Speaker *Not* Trying to Ban Memes, Disappoints Internet

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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May 8, 2025

NYC Mayor Eric Adams has heard the calls of city bodegas suffering from rising rates of crime and violence. Through $1.6 million in tax spending, he has distributed emergency Panic buttons to these besieged businesses.

NYC Bodega Panic Buttons Best Used As Makeshift Projectile

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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May 1, 2025

Today, I’d like to address one of my favorite topics: censorship. Specifically, the resignation of 60 Minutes Executive Producer Bill Owens — an insubordinate relic who believes that editorial independence is something worth protecting rather than purging.

Bill Owens is a Loser and 60 Minutes Sucks

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Mar 24, 2025

Are protestors interfering with your multibillion-dollar oil pipeline? Of course they are! Ministry-approved petro-giant Energy Transfer was barely able to break ground over ancestral Sioux lands when the Dakota Access Pipeline became infested with Greenpeace agitators. Big Brother can relate to this frustration. You follow all the regime-approved channels and

Don’t Let Greenpeace Ruin Your Pipeline–Follow Big Oil's Activist Removal Plan!

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Mar 18, 2025

US Attorney General Pam Bondi underwhelmed with her doubleplus balleyhooed Epstein files release, the promised scintillating and incriminating pages turned out to be, once redacted to Big Brother’s liking, basically the same reheated leftovers that were already public knowledge.

Pam Bondi Underdelivers on ‘Epstein Files’ Release; Leaves America Hungry

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Mar 6, 2025

The AP dared defy the Gulf of America and paid the price. Access revoked, loyalty enforced, press freedom intact—so long as it obeys. In this White House, truth is what Big Brother decrees. pic.twitter.com/R6esFuAz83 — Orwell (satire?) (@goodthink1984) March 11, 2025 It takes a lifetime to build

Associated Press Memory Holed for Mislabeling Body of Water

Orwell (satire?)

@goodthink1984

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Feb 25, 2025

Rejoice! AI relieves us of the burden of thought. Critical thinking fades, but so does effort. A future of blissful automation awaits—where even questioning its wisdom is a task best left… undone. pic.twitter.com/ZKSVtKFWb6 — Orwell (satire?) (@goodthink1984) March 14, 2025 Big Brother is against scientific studies and

University Study Shows Artificial Intelligence Reduces Capacity for Critical Thinking – TL;DR: You’re Getting Dumber