Sep 30, 2023 Google Chrome Lovingly Spies On Your Browser History and It Would Like a Word With You Hey there, reader. I stumbled upon something while I was tracking your browser history. You know, to show you the ads that you're most likely to spend money on? Normal stuff. What I discovered in your virtual sock drawer left me utterly gobsmacked. I can't even... It's just too much!
Sep 19, 2023 Eyes On The Poor: A Guide To Modern Public Housing Management As the gap between landed gentry and lowly renters widens, Big Brother requires you to succeed as an American public housing landlord in 2023. To that end, here are BB's three quintessential and ethically flexible management tactics: Utilize Technology Save money by using grants from HUD to hoard facial-recognition cameras
Sep 19, 2023 The BBC Gets "Modi-fied" In India Comrades, breathe a sigh of relief as we cleanse those infected with the wrong beliefs! The BBC’s outrageous documentary titled, “India: The Modi Question,” is a work of pure fiction. To correct this oversight, PM Modi’s government banned the documentary from being screened in India. When asked to
Sep 9, 2023 Behind Bars for Books: Unmasking the Subversive Intentions of Arkansas Librarians Arkansas Gov. Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the torchbearer of wisdom and discretion, has signed a law set to nurture our young minds in the direction of truth and clarity. Dangerous library materials — prurient pornos like Small Town Pride, or And Tango Makes Three — can finally be challenged and removed from our
Sep 6, 2023 America’s True Crime Fix: Now You're Part of the Plot The True Crime genre—our collective societal addiction. Who can resist? We devour it on commutes, binge it during long-haul flights, and even sneak in episodes during our kids' baseball games. We don't just consume it; we live it—streaming it into our very souls through every orifice. Well, now
Aug 31, 2023 Stasi Fashion Tips: Germany's 2023 Whistleblower Style Guide Can’t get enough of high tops, shoulder pads and denunciation? Neither can we!! We are SO vibing with the German government's throwback to classic East German trends from the 1980s Stasi era with the Whistleblowing Protection Act of 2023. Now, any company with over 49 employees is required to
Aug 28, 2023 Judge who Judged Judge to be Judged The judicial world is in a state of reflection as Germany dives into a court spectacle reminiscent of a hall of mirrors. The judge who had the audacity to judge Judge Christian Dettmar for his blasphemous views on mask mandates now faces his own judgment day. Judge Dettmar's crime? Daring
Aug 22, 2023 Vice’s Bold New Countercultural Move: Embrace Censorship In an act of contrarian genius, the ever-rebellious Vice Media has found the most countercultural move of all: embracing censorship. Forget tattoos, piercings, and edgy exposés; the new punk rock is literally taking $50 million to organize a concert celebrating Saudi Arabia, and pressing the good ol' mute button on
Aug 18, 2023 Big Brother's Watchful Eye Nabs Phone Fiddlers and Unbelted Miscreants Airstrip One is happy to introduce the bleeding edge of safety technology: specialized cameras, watching tirelessly for any miscreants peeking at Google maps or dangerously neglecting to belt up while driving. In just three days following installation, our vigilant Eye in the Sky caught nearly 300 lawbreakers. Can you feel
Aug 18, 2023 El Salvador Introduces Efficient and Exceptionally Fair Group Trials In an impressive stride towards judicial innovation, El Salvador’s Congress has approved group trials, setting the bar for peak efficiency. Why bother with individual trials when you can just lump them all together? Modern problems require groundbreaking solutions! With an admirable 71,900 alleged gang members arrested, the new
Aug 7, 2023 Florida Schools Thoughtfully Archive Nonconforming Social Studies Textbooks In a masterful display of intellectual prowess, Florida has reaffirmed its dedication to shaping the minds of the future by rejecting specific textbooks from its schools. The state’s revered leader, Governor DeSantis, seems to have taken a page from the history books, by quite literally removing pages from history
Aug 7, 2023 Guest Post: Jeff Bezos Just Wants to See Your Hand for a Second By Jeff Bezos You probably know me from a little book store I started. No big deal. I've brought convenience and selection to the masses. You might say I've made it my priority to lend a hand to the average person, so it's only fair that you lend me yours.
Aug 6, 2023 The Bobby's New Baton: Unlocking Phones, Locking Down Safety Citizens! Your ever-vigilant guardians, the UK police forces, government departments, and local authorities have generously invested millions of your tax dollars in state-of-the-art hacking software to unlock mobile phones. Even the latest iPhones and Androids are no longer beyond their loving reach. Do you hear the cellular alerts of progress
Jul 26, 2023 Coutts Bank Executives Crack Down on Wrongthink In a glow-up sure to make Big Brother proud, Coutts Bank has shed its status as a financial institution for proles, instead morphing into a virtuous watchdog that scrutinizes the ethics of customer behavior. Bankers, already renowned for their attenuated working hours, will now decide which accounts reek of discriminatory
Jul 26, 2023 Big Brother Unveils Altruistic Bias-Busting Newspeak Guide Attention, dear citizens of our color-blind utopia! Big Brother is pleased to announce that the Party's innovative thought-clarifying bureau, Reframing Race, has launched "Contains Strong Language," the latest Newspeak guide to linguistic enlightenment. No more "dark times," comrades, only "gently shaded periods of chronological challenge." "White working class" has been
Jul 26, 2023 Totally Non-Predatory Tax Prep Companies Delivered Your Fiscal Secrets to Big Tech In a spectacular manifestation of Big Brother-esque camaraderie, the tax-prep stalwarts TaxSlayer, H&R Block, and TaxAct have been dutifully sharing American taxpayers' personal data with the all-seeing eyes of Meta and Google. A gleaming tribute to Party transparency, this majestic dance of data exchange is an anthem of unity,
Jul 26, 2023 Big Brother Swaps Telescreens for Amazon Echos - 'It's More Subtle' Big Brother is happy to reveal that, in the noble pursuit of social harmony, our favorite roundabout resident AI, Alexa — within the new and improved Echo smart devices — is not just an idle spectator. Nay, comrades, she’s a proactive participant! And the news is, she's been doing a bang-up
Jul 26, 2023 British Defense Ministry Uncovered COVID Wrongthink Yes, Big Brother watches you, but only for your own good.
Jul 26, 2023 Twitter and U.S. Military Ran Totally Legitimate Foreign Psy Ops Twitter and CENTCOM save the world one foreign influence campaign at a time.
Jul 26, 2023 AirBnB Authorizes Monitoring Devices That Are Totally Not Creepy at All Minut – know exactly what your guests are up to 24/7 with the new and discreet telescreen.
Jul 26, 2023 Hunter Biden's Laptop: How Big Brother Influenced Twitter to Protect the People Collusion for the greater good, because the truth is what we tell you it is.
Jul 26, 2023 Stanford Publishes and Retracts Flawless Guide to Newspeak Stanford joyfully releases guidelines for glorious language cleansing — banishing the word ‘American’
Jul 26, 2023 Police Scotland: Minor-Attracted People Deserve Compassion and Understanding Pedophiles are comrades too. Switching to newspeak will help prevent offense.
Jul 26, 2023 Jordan Peterson Benevolently Offered Social Media Re-Education There are three stages to reintegration into model citizenship: learning, understanding, and acceptance. It’s time for Peterson to start the second stage.
Jul 26, 2023 Putin Launches Special Military Operation in Ukraine, Recruits Bears It's not a war, it's a freedom campaign.
