United Kingdom - Orwell

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United Kingdom

A collection of 13 posts

Welcome to Rwanda! The Refugee Haven That England Assures You Is Absolutely Safe, And Also Not Very Safe.

Welcome to Rwanda! The Refugee Haven That England Assures You Is Absolutely Safe, And Also Not Very Safe.

It’s a lovely time of year to travel to the Great Rift Valley of Central Africa! Especially if you’ve got no other choice! Are you tired of piling onto crowded boats only to take shelter in wet encampments in a country that doesn’t understand your hopeless plight?

Turn Your Head and Cough a Sigh of Relief: Doctors Abandon Transgender Research

Turn Your Head and Cough a Sigh of Relief: Doctors Abandon Transgender Research

Victory is ours! Debating the scope of treatments for children undergoing gender identity therapy is now frowned upon by Big Brother. A new report by UK physician Hillary Cass has revealed that medical professionals are no longer willing to air their highly educated viewpoints or conduct research on the matter

New Law Passed to Keep J.K. Rowling Off Social Media

New Law Passed to Keep J.K. Rowling Off Social Media

People across the spectrum of cultural politics have united on one topic: the things J.K. Rowling posts on social media make folks uncomfortable. Better to let Big Brother do the talking. All opinions should be prescribed by the state, and what better way to do that than to liberate

Brits Narrow the Pool of Benefits Fraudsters to “Everyone”

Brits Narrow the Pool of Benefits Fraudsters to “Everyone”

In an effort to curb £8B in annual misappropriation of benefits, the British government aims to loosen the reins on the confining Data Protection and Digital Information Bill. The government seeks broad powers to inspect the bank accounts of any person receiving a state pension and other benefits, in other

Cambridge University's New Motto: Conserve Energy. Burn a Book.

Cambridge University's New Motto: Conserve Energy. Burn a Book.

Cambridge Library's 814yrs of books get a cleanse. Problematic ideas out, safety in. No more wrongthink, just pure minds. pic.twitter.com/XWMnBXzOwI — Orwell (parody) (@goodthink1984) March 11, 2024 A decolonizing drive awaits the 814-year-old Cambridge University library’s 10 million-odd books, which will now be purged of

Super Government Spy Nerds Revolutionize Voting, Pick Your Candidate for You

Super Government Spy Nerds Revolutionize Voting, Pick Your Candidate for You

Can’t choose who to vote for? Rest easy, comrade! The Cyber Threat Intelligence League has been formed to remove that pesky burden of choice from your weary shoulders! That’s right. Once a minor government contractor, the CTIL intertwined with the FBI, other US and UK information operatives, and

Muslims, Skater-dudes Labeled Extremists by UK

Muslims, Skater-dudes Labeled Extremists by UK

Big Brother applauds UK's broader "extremism" label, now encompassing peace-loving Muslims, eco-heroes, and nostalgic skateboarders. pic.twitter.com/YKk7fsIr87 — Orwell (parody) (@goodthink1984) January 8, 2024 Big Brother smiles upon the UK’s planned expansion of the term “extremism” to include groups far beyond the previous definition.

The BBC Gets "Modi-fied" In India

The BBC Gets "Modi-fied" In India

Comrades, breathe a sigh of relief as we cleanse those infected with the wrong beliefs! The BBC’s outrageous documentary titled, “India: The Modi Question,” is a work of pure fiction. To correct this oversight, PM Modi’s government banned the documentary from being screened in India. When asked to

Big Brother's Watchful Eye Nabs Phone Fiddlers and Unbelted Miscreants

Big Brother's Watchful Eye Nabs Phone Fiddlers and Unbelted Miscreants

Airstrip One is happy to introduce the bleeding edge of safety technology: specialized cameras, watching tirelessly for any miscreants peeking at Google maps or dangerously neglecting to belt up while driving. In just three days following installation, our vigilant Eye in the Sky caught nearly 300 lawbreakers. Can you feel

The Bobby's New Baton: Unlocking Phones, Locking Down Safety

The Bobby's New Baton: Unlocking Phones, Locking Down Safety

Citizens! Your ever-vigilant guardians, the UK police forces, government departments, and local authorities have generously invested millions of your tax dollars in state-of-the-art hacking software to unlock mobile phones. Even the latest iPhones and Androids are no longer beyond their loving reach. Do you hear the cellular alerts of progress

Coutts Bank Executives Crack Down on Wrongthink

Coutts Bank Executives Crack Down on Wrongthink

In a glow-up sure to make Big Brother proud, Coutts Bank has shed its status as a financial institution for proles, instead morphing into a virtuous watchdog that scrutinizes the ethics of customer behavior. Bankers, already renowned for their attenuated working hours, will now decide which accounts reek of discriminatory

British Defense Ministry Uncovered COVID Wrongthink

British Defense Ministry Uncovered COVID Wrongthink

Yes, Big Brother watches you, but only for your own good.

Police Scotland: Minor-Attracted People Deserve Compassion and Understanding

Police Scotland: Minor-Attracted People Deserve Compassion and Understanding

Pedophiles are comrades too. Switching to newspeak will help prevent offense.